Religion & Children.

Hi Everyone,

I guess I'm what would be considered a "lurker" here. I've been reading the posts in this forum for several months now, and find that most of the posts I've read are fascinating and intellectually stimulating. In fact, unless I missed any I'm not aware of, I've read every single post here, for the last few months. Since there was a call for a new topic/thread, I thought this was as good a time as any to make my first post here. 8)

A little background about me and my family; I was raised catholic, went to catholic grammar school and high-school. I always found many of the teachings, in the "religion" classes to be contradictory, and never had my questions answered to my satisfaction. Questions like, if god is "all loving" and "all good", how could he ever be so cruel as to condemn someone to hell? All I ever got back from the priests and nuns was either hemming and hawing, or the standard "we can't know all of god's intentions, and means of accomplishing them". Obviously this didn't fly with me, and along with the intense guilt, and threats of "going to hell", for things that didn't seem to warrant such a punishment, but was still repeatedly used as a/"the" tool of control, drove me away from religion, running and screaming. I still feel the guilt, decades later, when I am in a church for a wedding, funeral, or christening. Whenever the priest(s) talk about bad and evil in their sermons, I feel like they're talking directly to/at me.

My wife was brought up baptist, but her family was looser with the religious reins, and she doesn't really have any terrifying memories and such.

We now have two small children, the older one will be turning four early next year. I was wondering about everyone's opinions on how to introduce her to religion so she can make her own intelligent decisions in the future? I realize there are two extreme roads I can take; 1) Force feed it to them, like was done to me, or 2)Completely shield them from all religion, discussions and otherwise. If I had to choose between just these two, I think I'd go with the latter, until they were old enough, and interested enough, to decide to research it on their own. I would, however, prefer to take a more moderate approach, but am unsure of where to begin.

Currently, my wife occasionally takes them to a local lutheran or episcopal church(not sure exactly), if only to teach them how to behave in such circumstances. I'm sure that eventually they will begin asking how come I never participate, and I'm not certain how to answer that without hurting them in some way. Truthfully, my work schedule interferes much of the time, and other times it's just that I can't be hypocritical and go to church, when I know that, to me, none of it makes any sense, and I don't subscribe to it. How do you explain that to young kids? :S

While I would consider myself, and my wife, both "fence-sitters' so-to-speak, I think my wife actually has more "faith" than I do. What's an acronym for a not necessarily atheistic, fence-sitting agnostic? So do we just continue on the, going to church once in a while, path, and tackle any questions as they come up? What are your thoughts on this( I suppose I should have directed these questions to the fence-sitters and moderates, as I don't feel comfortable with either "extreme").

Thanks,

Joe "the fence-sitting-agnostic"

The local lutheran church is a good middle road to take, imho. We take our daughter to church, sunday school, etc. I think it does add some structural, ritualistic element to life too which can be useful. But it's not a huge part of our lives, and we 'skip' a lot of sundays in summer.

Just let them absorb it, then they're familiar with (and respectful to) this part of the culture, and will be able to understand and recognize certain icons and stories people associate with holidays, etc.

We have sometimes told bible stories at bedtime. You know, Noah's ark and all that. I don't know if she thinks they're real or fairy tales, she never asks. She doesn't ask much about religion, really, she mostly asks questions about how things work (Yes!! A scientific mind! )

Don't sweat too much exactly what you 'tell' them. Before you know it they'll be teenagers and think you don't know anything anyway! :C

Joe:


You're in the same boat I was in 50 years ago. I felt at the time, and still do, that any false attempt at religion would be spotted by my daughter in no time.

My "kid" is now 52, well adjusted and from time to time goes to church but nothing on a regular basis. To the best of my knowledge we've never discussed religion pro or con.

My advice, wait till the kids bring it up. Just keep away from any religious zealot. They tend to be one sided, not necessarily in you best interest, and always free with a dump truck of guilt.

If you've been reading these posts for awhile you already know the ones who are a couple of bubbles off plumb.

Darrell