The next day I called her and was trying to plan something for during the week and I could schedule off from work. She shot me down with a big -I don't love you anymore! We were at this time going into our 30th year of marriage. There was no talking to her, she wouldn't hear me, she was stone. It turned out that she had found someone else.OUCH! I didn't think anyone could hurt that bad. There's lot's of in between stuff but I wont air it out here and bore you with it. She would deny having someone else right on up, even after the divorce. My sons' friend's would even see her out with this guy while I was at work.
What I'm leading to is that I turned to alcohol very heavily. My crutch that understood! After the divorce I started hitting the bar's to kill the pain of such a betrayal. I actually didn't hurt as bad if I wasn't alone when I drank. But I still could'nt forget. Mind you, I had never even been in a bar till this happened and I was 48 year's old. I never had the desire to sit and listen to a bunch of drunk's and I alway's spent my time at home, family outing's, at work, or in my yard stargazing with a yard FULL of kid's. I loved my life, nobody had a better one I felt.
One night coming out of a bar I was pulled over and taken to jail for the night and lost my license for just 30 day's because the judge said he kind of understood and in his word's" Mister Hensley, your record's show nothing on you, no speeding ticket's, traffic violations of any kind. You haven't even spit on the sidewalk! So I did without my license and was glad to finally get them back.
I had almost completely stopped drinking because I was shown the path I was taking until a week before Thanksgiving. My brother had borrowed my pick-up and had left a huge bottle of tequila in the back floorboard. I was depressed about losing my old way of life with my family and all the thing's we would do during the holiday's. My favorite was putting up our Christmas tree's in the house and all the outside decor with everybody tripping over each other, my sons' friend's would be there and the goodies we would have along with the music.
So I gave myself the excuse to not hurt again and drank the biggest portion of what looked like about a half gallon of tequila and chased it with a couple of beer's. The first thing I do is get on the road and was pulled over for speeding, the cop smelled the alcohol and saw a beer in the cup holder. I recieved 7 day's in jail and lost my license for a year. It broke my 2 boy's heart's, I have never been so ashamed of anything in my life. The law use to be that you take a DUI class for three week-end's and I was ready to take the class in October but was told that Ky. law now require's 26 week's of classes, one and a half hour a week. I have 11 week's done now.
Seeing all the happy families and the decoration's this year is about to do me in. I have never lied to my son's and I also promised God that I would never drink again. Because with me, it is all or nothing. Sitting here in the wee hour's of Christmas morning all alone and raining has me thinking that there is no such thing as coincidense. I think that if I had my license I may have gotten something to drink and would have tried to justify it.
Typing this long boring letter has gotten me over wanting to drink, it reminded me of my promises and got my head back on straight. I don't think just typing the letter completely helped, it was the fact that I would be sharing something with someone other than a relative or accuaintance friend.
I can go to bed now victorious in getting over these holiday's again. My son's will be up to see me for a big dinner that I'm preparing. By the way, I did all the cooking thru my entire marriage and my boy's can't wait to get some real food for a change(their own word's). Their favorite is my dumpling's...hahaaa!!!
I'm sorry for such a long letter, so if you get bored reading just part of it just delete it. It helped me to look my situation the eye and tell it to kiss my azz!!!!
Merry Christmas and let your families know how lucky you feel!
To all a good-night,